UNEMPLOYABLE 5

Here goes wordy...PillGirl!

A gig like mine? ahhh an unpopular artist! *(unemployable waste of space, 12 hour sleeping, clueless, unfocused, girl-less, aging, rotting, non-productive, non-professional, non BA holding, Selfish son of a bitch, etc., etc.) I will try to stay positive here, sorry. But my 12 year gravy-train with biscuit wheels rolled right off the tracks, and left me high and dry in Everyoneismarriedwithkidsville. Wondering who I am and if the last 12 years that just went by was anything but a waste of time. A bunch of stones thrown by my friends under my footsteps. The stones behind me have drowned and vanished in the soft sediment of my memory, and me on the last one like a fucking Doh Doh frozen in mid step. A dot on the exclamation point at the end of a big joke on myself.

Yea, your bro is helping out through the hardtimes. I am trying to get my condo back into shape after living like a lunatic for almost 2000 days there, wore that shit out. Putting in floor and drywall and a kitchen and whatever else I have lived without plugging away at dreams that have not matured too much yet. Dae is such a do-it-yourselfer. It is incredible. He has focus. A focus I could only attain with a highly complex daily psychotropic cocktail made by Freud himself.

Fun. It's kinda not on the menu right now for me. Trying to get my shit together. I did watch too many episodes of Californication one night and went to the mall and drank too many jack and cokes at Clyde's. But seriously, since the weather turned rotten I have fallen out of my daily routine of mountain biking which I was surprisingly religious about since April, first time I have really biked since 1995. I made it up to almost 2.5 hours a day and commuting to work. But with every autumn my will dies with the leaves and with the light goes my brighter side.

So we are here in the darkness of winter warm, watching Korean movies in Port Deposit, Maryland. And the Midnight Chef has struck again. We are eating spicy pork thin as paper with sticks. The commercial grade slicer, a streamlined machine age auction piece, glimmering on the kitchen island like some star in the center of Dae and Lori's McMansion universe. It's so nice here.

I guess my job now is get the condo ready for rent or sale. Selling most of my possessions. Beginning a stint as a vagrant. Being smart about my new buying investments. Broadening Modern50.com's selection into vintage mountain bikes, skateboards and other trendy cool things I am learning about. Not sure if that will pay the bills, so here and there am I looking for a non-corporate creative outlet, something I have never imagined. Which should prove to be hard to find, being the spoon fed sissy my easy life has guided me into. I gotta figure out a way to stop ending every sentence with a preposition.

See Ya PillGirl!